My final post (for now)

The view from my window at Whitney's Mum's house


I’ve been in England for three-and-a-half weeks, yet it feels like I still haven’t arrived.

Two days after landing I picked up a mystery illness/condition, meaning I’ve hardly left the house so far. I still hasn’t been diagnosed, which is frustrating, considering that I’ve had four blood tests, a chest x-ray, a heart scan, blood sugar tests, ECGs, and have to undergo even more tests in a couple of days.

I’ve seen/spoken to five doctors, none of whom can ‘figure me out’. One suggested I had a bad diet, which is laughable; one was concerned that I may have a blood clot, which came back negative; one thought I might have a heart problem, which is – at present – negative; one even suggested that I may be suffering from stress. “You are a mystery” has been the official diagnosis thus far.

So since arriving back in England I’ve done nothing but rest, watch junk on tv, and re-discover Super Mario - it’s like I never left university.

One thing I have been able to do - with all this free time - is reflect on my summer in North Dakota. I went there with as few preconceptions as possible, yet as soon as I flew over the vast scenery I remember being blown away by all the space and greenery, and that moment alone was all I needed to cement my knowledge of the ND landscape. As for the people: again, I had no preconceived ideas or expectations, but soon discovered that you’d have to go a long way to find a friendlier bunch. Even the few dickheads (a technical English term) that I met were generally more lovable than the typical English clone.

All-in-all, it was an amazing summer, thanks to the people and the places that I saw in this wonderful state. For the ones reading this who I met along the way: it was pleasure, whether we met once, twice, or many times, and I’m sure we’ll meet again.

The exciting news is that Whitney will be on this side of the pond from December 26 to January 9. My priority is to feel well for when she arrives, and also have answers to the questions surrounding us both: what are our next steps in life - both individually and cohesively? Where do we go from here? Who really is the better cook? (She makes a mighty Toscana soup, yet my red wine chicken casserole is equal to it).

Goodbye North Dakota

My asylum

Poor Whitney. She’s currently working two jobs, of which she dedicates approximately fifty hours a week to, and then she has to come home to a boyfriend who could easily gain admission to a house for the ‘mentally unstable’ right now.

On the surface, many would be envious of my lifestyle. I have the option of getting out of bed at anytime I desire, I have a full TV package and internet to keep me entertained when I do finally emerge, and I sit nice and warm in my apartment, as temperatures outside begin to fall day-by-day. Life sounds great right now, correct? Scrap that.

Since my working visa expired, I’ve slowly dwindled into a state of insanity in the apartment, which may as well have steel bars around it and a sheriff sat outside the door jangling a chain of keys.

I’m sick of TV, I want to stab Facebook in its virtual eyes, and the heating generates a noise comparable to that of a pneumatic drill. I really wish I had the distraction of work again.

It started off fine. “Excellent”, I said to myself. “Now that I’ve finished working, I have a whole month to figure life out, decide what I want to do, where I want to be, and how Whitney and I are going to move on from here.” This isn’t how it’s been so far.

I still have no answers to any questions, and I’m even having trouble remembering what the questions were in the first place.

Money is slowly disappearing, and the friendly smile I used to gain tips at the restaurant is slipping into a “Where the f***’s my money gone?” face. I keep double-checking my wallet, hoping that a few George Washingtons might have come to join the party. But then I hear there’s a better party in Whitney’s purse, so they’ve all gone there instead, which I’m obviously happy about, I just wish my party were as appealing.

Yesterday I took a walk in the snow (yes, it snows in October here). I looked like a complete tourist, taking photos of anything from trees to Stop signs. But then I also looked like a complete mismatch having scrambled through Whitney’s closet for her collection of warm clothes. The result was a red scarf, a blue and white hat, and pink gloves. So the fact that I looked like a tourist wasn’t a concern at all.

It felt good to get out of the apartment, and I got a few good snaps, so was much happier when Whitney returned home from work. Even so, I still found myself lying in bed distracted, over-thinking about every aspect of life, whilst my eyes wandered from side-to-side, as if watching the best tennis game you could ever imagine.

Game, set, and match.

Tick-tock

I can't imagine returning to England in three weeks... And if there was ever an understatement, that was it... I literally cannot even fathom the idea.

Firstly, there are many things I look forward to being reunited with: my parents, friends, the city of Sheffield, and my beloved football team to name but a few. However, there's a bigger reason for me wanting to stay. The same reason I came here: Whitney Jean Hay.

If truth be told, there's been more ups and downs, more tears, and more obstacles than I had hoped for, but the bottom line has never changed, and it's those strenuous times that have reaffirmed this.

My time in the USA has been nothing short of amazing. I've tried new things such as herding cows and water-skiing. I've grown as a person, discovering new strengths and weaknesses along the way. I've been immersed into the North Dakotan culture, discovering a place of wonderful scenery and the friendliest people you could ever meet. I'm truly glad I came to the least obvious tourist destination in the country, because there's so much here that you can't get from the likes of New York City...

Don't get me wrong, I liked New York - although Chicago is better - but North Dakota has a laid back feel to it that seems rare nowadays. There's very little hustle and bustle, very little crime, and as mentioned, the people are a truly incredible bunch.

Last week my working visa expired, which is another sign that my time here is coming to an end. I've met some great people, both employees and customers, and it'll be a shame not to work at Michael's Restaurant any longer (and receive staff discount on food!). I'll still stop by and say "hi" a few more times.

This all sounds rather depressing, I know. But it really is a time for reflection. Until I return home in three weeks, I don't have a great deal more to do (apart from being the 'house-boyfriend').

Okay, enough 'boo-hoo' for now. I still have another twenty days left in the country, and I'm going to enjoy them. Whitney and I have an awful lot of decisions to make during this time, with even greater obstacles in our way than before. However, obstacles give life excitement, and this is a game i'll continue to play to the best of my ability.

I'm not alone...

I thought I was the only one in Minot, but last night I shared a drink with two football-loving (soccer) Englishman. It felt unreal to be hearing such accents in the middle of North Dakota, and for a few hours I could have been sat in an English pub for all I knew, had it not been for the lack of cider (no Bulmers/Magners here), 15 screens showing NFL, and the sight of George Washington’s face everytime I opened my wallet. Still, it was nice to be able to say ‘alright mate’ and ‘ proper/well good’ as well as sharing some North Dakotan cultural observations.

Last Monday was labor day, a holiday dedicated to the working in which they are encouraged to take a day off. It was therefore ironic to discover that some people I knew were being paid double time to show up, giving great incentive to work on a day which encourages the exact opposite.

In true spirit of labor day, we kicked back and relaxed at the nearby lake with Morgan and Travis. The weather was beautiful and the beers were cold, so as we laid on Travis’ boat, it was hard to complain. Whitney and I tried our hand at water-skiing, which we did surprisingly well at. It took a few attempts to get going but we soon got there. Whitney held the record for staying above water the longest, although did have one comical fall (see video). After an assured start, she suddenly looked as if she’d turned into stone and fell straight back.

Although I’ve felt comfortable in Minot since first arriving, I still find myself feeling frustrated and isolated due to the lack of surroundings. It’s like a lone spot/zit on your cheek. Although the spot itself is fairly admirable, it’s the only one around, and surrounded only by skin (farmland/open grassland in this case). I miss having the option of jumping in the car and taking a day-trip to a nearby spot… I mean city/ attraction. But then on the other hand I’m sick of jumping in the car and having to drive everywhere. I like being able to walk to the shops and the gym. Like I said in an earlier post, when I attempted to go running along the pavement last month, it just suddenly ended, as if giving a huge middle finger to anyone stupid enough to be on-foot.

Right now Whitney and I are sat on the sofa. I’m blogging, while she watches a tv program on an old lady who houses cats; too many cats. And whilst we’re both leaning valuable life lessons from this lady, it’d be nice to have more to do on a weekend. When considering our options for the day, I typed ‘attractions in Minot, North Dakota’ into Google and concluded that our options were either to go to the zoo (which we did a few days ago), go to church (I wasn’t keen), play golf (Whitney wasn’t keen), or go see a movie. So guess what we’re doing this afternoon? Yep, another movie. I just find it hard to imagine myself living in a place like this for a considerable length of time, which is something we’ve recently discussed. Don’t get me wrong, Minot has a special place in my heart, as well North Dakota as a whole (I’ve never experienced such a friendly environment), but I just know there’s more out there to see.

After recently reading a friend’s blog (a fellow Brit also living in America), he noted the different countries in which people had asked if he was from. Like him, I often get asked if I’m Australian, which, although way-off-the-mark, is understandable. However, I’ve also been asked if I’m Austrian, Italian and French to name a few bizarre ones. Au Revoir.

Routine and home comforts..

I feel like i've been in a time-warp. Weeks have flown by, with so much happening in-between.

Firstly, we finally moved into our apartment (pictures to follow). The exterior is nothing to dance about but the inside is nice. We have a spacious, wooden floored living room and plenty of closet space (Whitney needs it!). The one bedroom is perfectly adequate, and the kitchen is... well... a kitchen. I mean it has a fridge, an oven, and cupboards.. Basically it's pretty standard, but all we really need, like pajamas almost, in that they don't necessarily have to be D&G for you to just go to sleep in them.

I handed over complete control to Whit when it came to the floor-plan. She does that stereotypical female "ooh, the table and chairs would looks perfect under that wall mirror" thing, which is fine as long as it makes her happy. I'm just content knowing that our neighbourhood is safe, as my main worry was having to leave her in a shady ghetto when I return to England in November.

One drawback - more-so for Whitney - is that we're close to the train tracks, and they run all through the night. I don't know if there's a specific term for it, but I'm one of those sleepers who likes background noise - music, a movie, the sound of a fan etc... Whitney is not. So as the trains roll by through the night, I'm content, where as she'll often be woken. I nearly jumped out of my skin a few nights ago when I awoke to the noise of stomping feet and windows being slammed closed. "What's this, the extra loud train!?" Whitney cried, as another train rode by, honking it's horn every few seconds.

Work has been enjoyable thus far. Being a waiter, with an English accent, in a culture that tips generously is a good combination. Although I do often get asked if I'm Australian. I don't know if it's because the intonation in my voice rises when I speak to customers, or if they just realise that English is my first language, yet I'm obviously not American.

As mentioned in my last post, it seems like everything is starting to come together: the apartment, a paycheck, stability... I feel comfortable right now. And whatever lies around the corner (for Whitney and I), it's already been an unforgettable ride so far. Six-and-a-half months ago, on a regular wednesday night out at 'The Engine Shed', (a club in Lincoln) I could never have imagined that a pair of beautiful blue eyes that caught my attention on the dance floor could have led me here, to America.

I've always lived by the notion that it's good to have a plan, but at the same time always be ready for something to change. I had my heart set on traveling straight after University, but then a better option came along. Although I suppose this is still technically traveling anyway, isn't it? The point is, be flexible, and don't be afraid to jump into something with two feet. If it fails, at least you'll have tried. To come here I had to leave the comfort zone of friends, family, and a familiar culture. But the hardest thing was denying my parents the (potentially) proudest day of their lives - watching me graduate from University with second class honours. For them to put the time, effort, and money into me for all of these years, only for me to say "actually I won't be there," must be hard to take. But their response was simply, "If you want to go, then go."

When the day comes for me to be a parent, I'll have some fricking big shoes to fill...

The pieces all fit together, but..

Since arriving in Minot I've gradually eased into a comfort zone day-by-day. I suppose It's always the same when you move somewhere new - it takes time to adjust, but you get there in the end. When I look back to only four days ago when I was driving around (alone) like a mad man, looking for an apartment that I passed at least five times, i'm so glad that it's been uphill from there.

I now have a job, which I start tomorrow. So if anyone wishes to come over to North Dakota for some fine Italian food, I'll be more than happy to be your waiter.* The staff seem nice and the manageress was also very friendly, so touch-wood I'll enjoy my time at 'Michael's restaurant'.

Tomorrow i'm going to finally join the gym, which I've missed since being over here. I must be one of few people to actually lose weight in America, although i'm sure that'll change as my appetite dramatically increases day-by-day.

I'm also starting to get to grips with the roads around here. No longer am I constantly finding myself heading out of town by accident. Granted, it did take me five minutes to figure out how to put fuel in the car today, but again, I got there in the end.

So all the pieces of the puzzle are slowly fitting into place. Everything Whitney and I planned in England has so far turned out according to plan: Me coming over here, us renting an apartment, getting jobs etc. There's just one problem: The USA isn't an easy country to stay in.

Before I left England I lost count of the number of times someone would say, "I bet you aren't going to come back, are you?" to which I had to constantly reply, "I have to. I have to. No, really, I have to." Sometimes it feels like I'm putting together this really nice jigsaw of a zebra, but there's pieces missing from the box; pieces that are going to be hard to find. I'm setting up a life that I haven't yet figured out how to carry on with after the next three-and-a-half months.

For those of you who haven't read up on your USA immigration laws of late, here are my options for coming back to the USA in the near future:

1) Buy my way in. Although last time I checked I didn't have $100,000 - $1,000,000 lying around.

2) Find an American company to sponsor me to work here. For that to happen I would have to possess a skill that can't typically be found over here, and being able to pee for a long time doesn't count, I'm sure.

3) Get married.

While the issue is constantly playing on my mind, it would be foolish to worry-away the time that I do have here. I live life like it's my only one. If I want to do something i.e. runaway to America for the Summer, I'll do it. And if a man in a suit, sat in a US embassy is what impedes me from living here permanently, then I'll find a way, providing that's what I still want.

I'm getting a little deep tonight, I know. But then again this is my 'online journal' for the world to see, so it would seem only appropriate to express my thoughts at the time of writing this.

Goodnight to all my family and friends in England, and to the people who have made my first few weeks in the USA an enjoyable time x

* providing you tip generously.

Going solo

Riding 4-wheeler the day before we left for Minot

Being in a different country and living within a different culture is strange enough. But to then suddenly be left alone, with a car that you're supposed to drive on a side of the road you're unfamiliar with... Well, it's a shock to the body, for me at least.

After dropping Whit off for Annual Army training I headed off to a friend's apartment in Minot. It took me way longer to find it than it should have, but I got there eventually. The one time I did commit a driving error happened to be right next to a police car. I clenched my teeth and didn't dare look in that direction. Thankfully no siren's were sounded, and so I drove off a free, relieved man. I worked on my CV/resume in the afternoon, and then relaxed for much of the night.

Today I decided to go for a run. Back home, or at Whit's home out in the country, I would pass green fields, feel at ease with the world, and return happy and energized. In Minot I ran past fast food joints, dodged traffic, and at one point had to jog across car parks because the pavement suddenly disappeared. I felt crazy being almost the only person on foot; people drive everywhere here. Apparently the apartment we'll be moving into is near a park, so I should have more luck there.

After my run I decided to grab a Subway sandwich (no plug intended). As soon as I opened my mouth to order I suddenly had three people around me, asking where I was from and why I was here in Minot of all places. This happened a few times today, including at 'Miracle Mart' while I was purchasing beer. I miss my friends and family, especially when I'm in a bad mood and just want to talk to someone. But the fact that everyone I meet here is so friendly makes me feel much more comfortable.

This time alone without Whitney has let me truly reflect on my time in the USA thus far. Not so much the things I've done, but more the vast culture shock that I've experienced without really acknowledging it. I feel happy enough, but sometimes I find it hard to pay attention, and I'll often have to ask the same question numerous times before it registers. Maybe I'm just going insane? But seriously, to say how quickly my life has transitioned from being a student without a worry in the world, to being an 'adult', and then suddenly moving to a new country - all within a month - is a pretty big step I suppose.